Self-esteem or feelings of self-worth are linked to success in life, and play an important role in the development of children’s social, physical and academic abilities. Research shows that low self-esteem is associated with increased risk for loneliness, resentment, irritability, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
As a parent, you, more than anyone else, can play an important role in promoting your children’s self-esteem and helping them feel better about themselves. As a parent, you are in THE prime position to mirror back to kids how they should see themselves. You do this through your messages, your expectations and how you treat your child.
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation of his or her own worth. If you have good self-esteem, it means that you like yourself and believe that you are as good as everyone else. If you have poor self-esteem, it means that you believe that you are inferior to others.
Confidence is more about risk-taking and trying new activities. Confident kids are more likely to make the most of their potential as they’ll extend themselves both socially and learningwise. Fears and anxieties, while present, don’t stop them from trying new activities.
Here are 10 ways to build confidence in your kids so they can take their place in the world:
- Model confident mindsets: Kids pick up your thinking as well as your language so teach kids how to approach tricky or new situations confidently by doing so yourself. That means, don’t put yourself down if you make a mistake.
- Encourage kids to look on the bright side: Optimism is catching and helps kids overcome their fears. Help kids set their antennae to look for the good, something positive or a learning in any situation.
- Help them understand self-talk: That little voice inside their heads can talk them up or talk them down. Kids who are low on confidence use a great deal of negative self-talk. Get kids to listen to their self-talk and help them work out alternative messages that help them rather than hold them back.
- Recognise effort & improvement: Low risk-takers and perfectionists appreciate parents who focus more on the processes of what they do, rather than results. Effort, improvement and enjoyment are examples of processes that you can comment on.
- Focus on strength and assets: Fault-finding can become an obsession for some parents, particularly fathers. Step back and look at supposed faults through a different lens (i.e. stubbornness can be rebadged as determination, which is handy in many contexts). Let your kids know what their strengths are so they know what they are good at!
- Accept errors as part of learning: Don’t over react when kids don’t get the perfect score or make mistakes. Errors are part of learning, ask any golfer.
- Give them real responsibility at home: Giving responsibility is a demonstration of faith. It fosters self-belief and also provides growth opportunities for kids. Confidence and responsibility go hand in hand.
- Develop self-help skills from an early age: Confidence is linked to competence. You can praise a child until the cows come home, but unless he or she can do something they won’t feel confident. Basic self-help skills are inextricably linked to selfesteem.
- Spend regular time teaching & training: Parents are children’s first teachers. They educate them in everything from how to do up their shoelaces as pre-schoolers to how to fill out a tax form as late adolescents. Look for teachable moments where you can help your kids. They are everywhere!
- Build scaffolds to success and independence: Look for ways to make it easy for your child to be successful. That may mean that you break down complex activities into bitesized chunks so they can experience success or even cope with stressful situations so they can overcome their fears.
Children with good self-esteem have a sense of security, assume responsibility, act independently, take personal pride in accomplishments, tolerate frustration, accept mistakes and failure, have a sense of self-discipline and self-control, handle peer pressure appropriately, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative feelings, and offer assistance to others.
While it is normal to have ups and downs in life, and children’s sense of self-esteem can vary from one situation to the next, constant poor or low self-esteem can be a symptom of a mental health disorder or emotional disturbance requiring medical attention.
